Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
