some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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