i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
