True but thats because hes a fetus.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
