am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
