You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
