Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish you could order shots online.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
