I just pynch a tree in the face
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They took my balls.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sobbing to NWA
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
