I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
either way he was missing a nipple.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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