google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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