So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
