If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
