Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize