drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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