Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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