I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
