your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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