And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
