You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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