I think my fart just growled at me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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