u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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