Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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