this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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