brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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