You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
