White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
