Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
