You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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