That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
