I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
