just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
