I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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