I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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