My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
