yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"