Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...