Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower