woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize