im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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