I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
