life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
