You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
