The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
