Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize