You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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