Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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