Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize