I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
