im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
