I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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