i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
