I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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