i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
