Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
