Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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