i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Small penises have feelings too.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
