I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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