the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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