so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
