Don't you send me to vm
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
