how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
