You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I love having hate sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
