The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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