Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
its liver damage thursday
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
