She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
