What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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